she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
