this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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