And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
