How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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