I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
