# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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