dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
