Please, let me fuck your mom
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am one with the molecules
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
