I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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