So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
