You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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