The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
