I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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