i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
