Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
