why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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