told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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