does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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