I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
