i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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