Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
