My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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