whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
