I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
