I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
