Can Purell be used as lube?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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