He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize