I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
