another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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