it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is Oprah even human
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
