I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
