You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
a search helicopter?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
