are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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