Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
