I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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