dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
