One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize