I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
