i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
