I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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