things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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