The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize