Your tits are I can't wait for
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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