So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
