U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
