you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
