Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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