C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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