Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
