If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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