sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
