Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
