Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
