I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
