margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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