It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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