As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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