I got chris browned last night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
