i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
