I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
