I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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