You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
