:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
