This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize