Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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