Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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