Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
