We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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