You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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