hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
