I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
