i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
