I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
