i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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