apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
