So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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