With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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