remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
