Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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