Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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