sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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