I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize