You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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