i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
