If i come over, it means nothing
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
