Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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