Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
