your room smells of hookers.
And success
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
not ubering you a puppy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
