...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
