How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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