biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
