I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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