she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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