i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
