omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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