I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
