Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
