I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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