Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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