I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
