i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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