we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to align my fucking chakras
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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