Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
