I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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