Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A bitchslap is in order.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
