I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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