I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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