Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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