This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
false alarm, still single
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
