Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize