I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
