i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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