one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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